tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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