Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
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The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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