You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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