sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
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Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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