we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
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She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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