So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Operation Purity has been aborted
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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