the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize