He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize