just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
did i just pee glitter
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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