True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize