The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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