goodnight i made you a song goodbye
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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