Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize