Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize