I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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