you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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