I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
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I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
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she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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