I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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