It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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