Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize