Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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