You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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