i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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