So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
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Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize