dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Im part way to drunk.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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