I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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