I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize