I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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