every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
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I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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