i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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