I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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