Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
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deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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