Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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