ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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