A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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