had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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