Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize