Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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