**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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