i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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