I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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