There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize