we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
where are you?
Hypothermia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize