They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize