Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
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You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
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My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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