How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
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As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
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dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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