i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
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i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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