True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
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There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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