And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
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Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
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I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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