the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize